T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
