I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
