I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
