i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
