You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
