the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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