You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
