I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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