Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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