omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
