You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Someone came in the potted fern
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
