can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
