So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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