ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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