I think I died a long time ago.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
