dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
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