I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I wish i was in the wii world.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
