I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
