My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
