Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize