I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
