just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
