i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I intend to get homeless drunk
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
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