My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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