I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Please, let me fuck your mom
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
