I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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