highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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