Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
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