I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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