i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
