my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
You ruined the universe
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
