Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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