She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Randomize
