why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
