you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
