I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
