I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
