I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
