that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
where are my eyebrows?
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