okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
