I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
