Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
