Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
