Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
