I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Randomize
