Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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