her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
