That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Randomize
