can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
