The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
