It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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