I am in a vortex of obligation.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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