oh god the rape fog is back!
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
