I skipped work to stalk him.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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