There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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