So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
