Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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