I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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