The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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