i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
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