Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
