You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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