Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
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