I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
