remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
