im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
