I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
