I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
