No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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