i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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