I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Randomize
