someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
You were trust falling into bushes
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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